Are Man City The Greatest Premier League Team Ever?

This weekend’s footy threw up some mammoth derbies. In North London, Arsenal and Tottenham shared the points in what became a frantic match dominated by some big decision, Chelsea just about brushed aside a struggling Fulham side, and Everton clung on to a goalless draw at home to Liverpool whose point wasn’t enough for them to regain first place. This spot went to Man City who beat Bournemouth 1–0 in a hugely one-sided affair. Now favourites for the title and fresh off the back of a League Cup final win, it’s opened up many questions on whether the quadruple could actually be achievable. So is this current Man City side the Premier League’s greatest ever? I took an alternative look at their starting XI last weekend and had my say.

Possibly the most Brazilian guy I’ve ever seen in appearance and playing style. He’s better with his feet than the entire Bournemouth team combined and yet, he’s a goalkeeper. Not entirely sure if he’s the nicest guy ever or his killed a man, but his ‘hanging after a night on the Kronenbourg’ appearance contradicts his goalkeeping ability.

As an Arsenal fan I used to despise Kyle Walker. But after England’s glorious summer last year, I really started to warm to him. He’s got to be one of the first names on England’s team sheet. He would piss me off to play against because he’s fast and he’s strong. The first thing I used to do at a match is eye up the fatty and hope they were marking me. Kyle Walker is the exact opposite of what I would hope for.

Straight off the set of Peaky Blinders, John Stones is a middle-aged English fans dream. A tall, no nonsense character from the North. But unlike many of his international predecessors, he can use his feet for a lot more than just kicking the shit out people.

Every team needs a proper bastard in their team. Someone with a moral barometer so skewed, they would happily break legs for a trophy, or two-foot their own grandmother for the last biscuit. He’s this guy.

His teammates call him Kev because he looks vaguely like Kevin De Bruyne. I’m not really buying it. All I know about him is that he’s extremely useful and is a scary reminder of the youth players Man City possess. He’s also Ukrainian and looks it.

His arrival to Man City and the season that ensued was truly special. The last time I thought I was witnessing something that special was Diversity’s first audition on Britain’s Got Talent back in 2009, but unlike Diversity I’m not sick to death of seeing De Bruyne perform. He’s got the vision of Mesut Özil, the strength of someone a lot stronger than Mesut Özil and the passion of someone a lot more passionate than Mesut Özil. My sister thinks he’s quote “well ugly” but I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit. It’s like he’s got 2 Paul Daniels for feet. Simply magical.

Ilkay Gündogan is one of the most stylish players in the league both on and off the pitch. He has facial features that I think resemble Roger Federer and the similarities don’t stop there. He too glides around with an undeniable grace. Personally I don’t think I’ve ever seen a buzzcut look so superb.

People have said that Tyson Fury’s resurrection against Deontay Wilder was one of the greatest sporting miracles of all time, but I raise you the resurrection of this Spanish maestro’s hairline. In a pre-season game versus Tottenham in 2017, David Silva surprised fans with a new Stephen Ireland-esque shaved head in what we all believed was a ‘jump or be pushed’ approach to his receding hairline. But lo and behold, this season his hair is looking stronger than ever and so are Silva’s performances. He’s rightly considered a Premier League great.

His surname may be Silva but I think Bernardo is pure gold. See what I did there! If I could go on a night out with any of City’s players, I would pick him. He plays football for the pure joy (and a healthy wage probably but that’s not the point.) He’s always smiling. In Man City’s documentary All or Nothing, he and Benjamin Mendy, were the two most likely to have shat in someone else’s boots. Top quality banter.

I was going to say that Sterling is the bright future of English football but he’s already one of England’s best players. Our media don’t like him. But I think that’s the same way that you used to hate the guy who was good at everything at school. You know the kind. Captain of a couple of sports teams, A*s in most subjects and probably a grade 8 cellist. The media don’t like his success, both as a footballer and as great guy. I bloody love him!

Okay so let’s get this out of the way. Sergio Agüero is one of the greatest strikers the Premier League has ever seen. But the thing I like about him most is that he’s not a bell-end. He strikes me as the kind of guy you never really spoke to at school because he was pretty quiet. But once when being called up for the school team after saying that he ‘played a little,’ would then go on to score 5, becoming a playground legend.

Don’t forget, this was just their starting XI. Some players not to have started include Vincent Kompany, Leroy Sané, Gabriel Jesus, Danilo, Riyad Mahrez, Phil Foden, Claudio Bravo, Benjamin Mendy, Aymeric Laporte, Eliaquim Mangala, Fabien Delph, Fernandinho and Mikel Arteta (sort of).

While it’s hard to compare this team with the likes of Arsenal’s Invincibles, Man Utd’s treble winners or maybe Mourinho’s Chelsea the first time round, this team have the chance to write English football history this season. Or they may just bottle à la Liverpool. 😘

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