About the Need to Be Stimulated in More Ways Than Physical

For many women, to be courted without being sexualized is a dream.

Forgive me if my lack of fascination with anatomy and sexual desire makes me seem complicated. I don’t mean to be and don’t believe that I am. I understand that we have primal instincts that are attracted to beauty and gratified through physical contact.

I am no exception. Affection and intimacy also rank near the top of my list when factoring in essential elements of a healthy romantic relationship. It’s just not enough to evoke my sustained interest.

We all desire and want to be desired. I can appreciate this aspect of engagement. For some, especially if your love language is physical touch, the need to be held, kissed, and made love to supersedes all others. If that’s the only expression of love you get from a partner, it will often suffice. Without it, nothing else matters much.

I’ve never felt content in a relationship that wasn’t stimulating on multiple levels. Although, I’ve been with people who were great in bed.

Those treasured few knew exactly how to please a woman and were eager to study how they could pleasure me specifically. They didn’t take it personally when maneuvers they thought I would like didn’t align with my needs. These individuals took their time and were deliberate, unselfish lovers. They always, I mean every single time, ensured that I was satisfied before indulging their gratification.

If this sounds amazing, that’s because it is!

However, even with these great lovers, I found myself unfulfilled if there were no other areas of arousal. My lingering thought was, “Ok, this is nice, but what else?”

When I think back on instances where I was connected, emotionally invested, and content, it was because of additional interaction that piqued my curiosity. I was with people who introduced me to music I hadn’t heard, taught me something new, or offered intellectual conversation. I’ve learned that I need various points of meaningful exchange to bond with someone.

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