Compassionate Leadership in the Age of Zoom

Remote work has been here before Covid-19 and has become the norm for many during the pandemic. Now, as more companies start to chart a course to return to normalcy, we realize a hybrid approach will be a big part of this new normal with some workers being completely remote, others spending some time in the office and some time away, and just a small minority showing up to the office every day. A lot has been said about team interactions and about productivity in remote-work and hybrid environments, but I would like to focus on a different — and I believe equally critical — aspect: how can leaders show compassion when their teams are mostly remote?

In my role as a tech executive, back when we were all together in the office, I would meet many individuals and teams to discuss projects, schedules, personal aspirations, and more. Showing compassion seemed natural: when you truly feel it, compassion shows through your facial and body expressions, the eye contact you make, the inflection of your voice. When I reacted to difficult situations — or when I myself had to deliver difficult news, I had people come to me later and tell me “we could see in your face and hear in your voice that you care…” and even share how that helped them work with me and the rest of the team to mitigate or manage through difficult times.

As more people work remotely, many of the non-verbal cues that show us the compassion of others are getting lost. As leaders, how can we show the compassion we feel over email or a low-quality phone line? How can we make it easier for people to use video and not suffer fatigue? Even when using video, what impact does the lack of perceived eye contact have on the other person’s impression of our sincerity? In a year which brought us amazing shows of resilience and strength, where as leaders we saw our employees adapt in a heartbeat and deliver amazing results while caring for themselves and their loved ones at home, we also had a bigger than ever need to be compassionate and show that compassion — except in new ways.

Humans are great at noticing when feelings are genuine or not. A leader can only show compassion when they feel it. The age-old advice to really put yourself in the other person’s shoes and picture vividly what it would be like to walk in them is as true as it ever was, but the next step of validating with them how they actually are and what they actually feel is even more critical when we don’t meet in person every day. The different situations people are in always matter, and these differences are accentuated when they work remotely and have to care for partners and dependents whose own life is changing. Some of my own team members have young children who suddenly found themselves at home. Others were spending many nights with aging parents in remote countries, trying to virtually be there for them. Some were caring for a partner that needed help. Creating the space for them to share what they are working through, listening, and understanding is the critical beginning of compassion.

While simply understanding what people go through is a huge first step, as leaders we owe our teams more: what actions can we take to help? In this time of uncertainty and change, it is imperative that we try to offer more flexibility, encourage people to take care of themselves and embrace breaks and relaxation time. One way to go beyond words is to actually “walk the talk”: I have personally noticed that when I allow myself to tell my team “Let’s finish this meeting early because I need a break” — and not because another meeting is coming — it immediately gives others the courage and confidence to say the same themselves. If I reject meeting requests during lunch time, they realize they can do it too. Yes, at times the leader struggles to take a break — but showing your team that your well-being matters may be the more important leadership they need.

At a deeper level, especially at times of change, it is the leader’s responsibility to actually embrace the uniqueness of each person’s needs. As leaders we benefit from this uniqueness in our team members, and we must encourage and celebrate it in our response to challenges as well. Again looking at my team, I know that some people prefer long-form email writing as a way to communicate, while others prefer short text messages followed by a video call. Some respond well to a quick slack while with others it is better to schedule a meeting. Their personal preferences are different, their home situation is unique, and their contributions are diverse. Each is critical to the team’s success. Respecting this diversity is one of the deepest levels of compassion a leader can show their team members, and even more so when many are remote.

The ultimate way to show you care is in person. Nothing compares with the intimacy of real-life interactions. When trying to convey complex emotions, non-verbal communication is the most expressive and effective. Having said that, when either we or our team members are remote and in-person meetings are not possible, we resort to technology to bridge the gap — and choosing the right technology is key.

In some ways, video conferencing is almost like having an in person conversation — except it isn’t. The lag, the difficulty in maintaining eye contact, the unnatural size and distance of the other side, all combine to reduce the sense of intimacy that is so critical for a heart to heart talk. Still, when sharing the same physical space is not an option, video could be the next best thing. While you might physically be anywhere, try to ensure a distraction-free location. Loud noises or background movement make it harder for both you and the other side to stay focused. Investing in a high quality external camera, and trying to ensure good lighting helps the listener see your face and your gestures. Similarly a good headset that is comfortable for long calls and has a high quality microphone also really helps. Try to maintain a natural distance from the camera and screen and maintain eye contact by shifting your view from the video of the other person to the camera itself. Ideally, remove your self-view so the other side is truly your only focus and you are not distracted by how you look. Finally, remember that all of us who attend many video calls suffer from “zoom fatigue” (even the CEO of Zoom). Consider avoiding video for pure project status meetings, and try to schedule important calls after both you and the other side had some break time from video and your mind is refreshed.

Voice communication, while not as rich as video, is a great option — most importantly if the person you are speaking to is uncomfortable with video, which could happen for many reasons and must be respected. Some things to keep in mind for a compassionate voice conversation are to make sure you are in a quiet environment, that the audio connection is good and that you are focused on the other person and not multitasking. Remember that to be compassionate you need to be able to listen, and that audio conversations often will not let you hear the other side while you speak. Use short sentences and encourage the other side to talk. When they do speak, listen carefully, then repeat and show your deep understanding of what they said and what they meant.

Textual communication over email, IM, or slack is in many ways the easiest for quick messaging, but it is also really hard to convey a deeper connection in text. Having said that, sometimes that is all we get. In those situations, I find it best to be explicit, specific and informal. Being explicit with your emotions is hard — most of us are used to bottle up our emotions, especially in business settings — but since people can’t see your face or even hear your voice, clearly saying what you feel is the only way they can know. To ensure these don’t come out as platitudes, it matters that we are specific about what it is we are compassionate about. An informal tone further helps the connections — formality creates distance. Just think about the difference between a short “Sorry” and “I am really sorry to hear that! I know you were hoping for a much better outcome in the project, and these results are not what you expected. I remember how in the project I was personally leading two years ago this happened and it was not fun… Please tell me how I can help — we are one team and I am here for you!”.

Compassion is the deep caring for others. A leader’s compassion is one of the main attributes that distinguish great leaders from average managers. We all crave compassion from others, especially our superiors, and the leaders who show that garner more than just respect: their teams go the extra mile for them. Further, with teams following the example of their leaders, a compassionate leader creates teams who show compassion to each other. Such teams are high achieving, resilient, and attract the best talent. As leaders who are compassionate, we must adapt to show compassion even when teams are remote. I hope this article showed you some ways to achieve that, but more importantly made you stop and think about what would work for you and your teams in an ever evolving world.

Some of his previous stories are:

Great Software Engineering Managers Must Write Code — 3 Reasons Why And 3 Ways To (Re)Start

Three Marketing Mistakes of an Introverted Engineer

For Better Video Calls — Lean Back!

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